daniel is not dead yet

not dead just tired.

_oct 03 2024_8:36pm_

bad new to my haters: january's covid didn't kill me.

honestly though...i don't have any real life updates since then. if anything it's been weird and passive and probably not that great compared to the beginning of the year and what i thought i would achieve by now. but that's just life. sometimes you're accidentally too focused on the #grind.

it's a very strange time for me right now. it's not where i wanna be, but it's also not something i'm ungrateful for esp in the year of our lord 2024, with all this instability. but i do wish i could figure out where i want to be right now since all my goals and stuff have changed drastically. i don't know! i need my 3rd house yr to do something for me...but i have hope for 2025! although it doesn't seem like it now, at least 2024 was a huge step-up from the mess that was 2023.

i wish it didn't feel so cringe and gay typing stuff here. when literally no one is forcing me to do this. -_-

my brain is all over the place right now. i have a lot of thoughts and opinions and such that i'm both bad at articulating and also organizing. but in more positive news i plan on living for myself next year. which is long overdue but i've been thinking a lot about who exactly i'm living for? like am i just living my life to not disappoint my parents and then being upset i'm not where i wanna be? orrr wtf is going on. those 'eldest daughter' posts are knocking some sense into me, and that one post about "grow up you're 25 get the fucking tattoo" or something like that also beat my ass so bad because literally...nobodys gonna die if you do whatever you want. i'm sitting here treating getting a tattoo like i'm doing something so evil and sinister. but seriously, i keep realizing some of the stuff that plagues me is just ridiculous.

i need to just book the fucking appointment and get it over with omg.

wow.

_jan 12 2024_7:26pm_

two weeks into work and i'm out due to covid :D

thankfully i didn't get it from work itself because i wear a mask. but it still sucks.

i'm getting better though. not that my immune system won't likely be affected many years from now (from long covid esp since this is my second time with it) but it's kinda always been strong in a way so the bad congestion i had for three days is gone. i get winded easily though.

anyway! i'm spending these next few days watching movies. i'm gonna watch Elephant tonight which i once heard years ago was...interesting. last night i saw ringing bell (so good but sad) and i was watching regular show for the past hour...it can't be doom and gloom all the time??

a random thing i've been thinking about lately is how about 10 years ago, if you had a shitty little android phone, it was so easy to find a free (probably) illegal anime app to watch literally any anime you could think of. it was amazing. i say this because although i have a vpn and a good anime site i just feel like the apps are kinda easier. the browser video players lag too much if your wifi is fucked up! this came to me while looking for stuff to watch...i can watch a movie fine through the browsers but watching a show through them is such a pain in the ass for some reason if you're using a phone.

okay well that's all i got for now. i've just been wanting to sleep and eat when i'm not at work so i haven't updated here at all. i do check it since it's linked on my socials but that's about it. see ya!

Capitalism.

_jan 04 2024_6:14pm_

1) happy new years! it's been a while! (aka a week and some change).

2) medical capitalism won. i've been working for the past three days at this new job and the first two days were busy but not crazy. today was busy as hell! i guess it's good that i'm used to working alone in busy chaotic environments. adn i guess they appreicate that too. but damn!

have to log off but here are some lil guys i've just obtained in the mail.

#dannytakeabreakfromneocitieschallenge

_dec 29 2023_8:02pm_

this entry won't be long and i wasn't even planning on making it. i just felt like adding it since i keep stopping by here for hours at a time editing like a crazy ass person. i'm like light yagami if he didn't have a god complex and ran around killing people and instead picked up a stupid hobby.

i had to literally tell my brain yesterday to take a break from being on a computer and not get on it for the whole day. wow. maybe it's good that my phone screentime go down but also...get a job and get some bitches bro.

honestly it's mainly so that i don't bored or burned out or whatever. but i'm happy so far and i'm making more pages and stuff..how joyous. but after today we're taking a break. even writing on this blog i had to tell myself to not make an entry every day for the same reasons i mentioned. if i run out of stuff to say...i'll never write here again.

THE EVIL IS DEFEATED

_dec 23 2023_7:25pm_

happy holidays...the semesters over...and hopefully i'll graduate next year.

big things happen too but i'm afraid of jinxing it so i won't say much. idk if it's from the untreated mental illness but i feel like if i speak certain stuff out into the air something goes wrong?! like if i say "oh hell naw you would never catch me wearing that shade of blue" i'll end up wearing it somehow. or if i was like "no i would never do something like that" or "that hasn't happened to me yet" it DOES happen! same with saying something positive...if i'm too hopeful about something it just comes CRASHING down almost immediately it's insane and fucked up. i like astrology but sometimes i have to take a step back before i go insane when i read a prediction thats negative like...Shit what am i supposed to do knowing the election is gonna be something fucked (not that you need astrology to tell you that). crazy stuff! it used to be particularly bad and embarrassing back in the day too (there was some religious guilt going on there.)

anyway...excited to eat tomorrow...i'm on ham and baked mac n cheese duty ^_^ and this time i intend on perfecting the macking cheese. i made on during thanksgiving but in an attempt to not make the sauce "too salty" it came out bad :/ but now that i know that hopefully it'll be a hit this time.

i don't have much else to say tonight this is all that's happened since 3 days ago:

  • i think it was after the last entry but i finished fire punch after a month long hiatus and i loved it. i've only seen the first episode of chainsaw man and liked it but wasn't familiar with fujimoto like that but DAMN!! was it good...i already wanna reread it but i wanna give it some time. the fact that it took me out of a 10 year manga hiatus overnight..........the last time i read a manga was when i was about 14 with attack on titan. i caught up to chapter 63 when that was the most recent chapter.
  • currently watching spy x family and i love it...it's so cute. we truly needed this. yor is a good woman.
  • watched female trouble and it was...something! we will be watching pink flamingos next.
  • my dad found an ancient holiday-themed build-a-bear polar bear in the basement probably from one of my grandma's boxes. i was intending on washing it but there's a sound box in it of someone going "HAPPY HOLIDAYS." which is crazy cus the fact that it still works perfectly fine after approximately 20 years?! i could go to the b.a.b. kiosk and ask them to remove it but it's charming and cute. i might just buy the cleaner or something and buy it new holiday clothes. i also have no clue who;s the voice either. i feel like it's mine but i don't know why my voice would be so clear at 4-5 years old...weird stuff.

    • that's honestly all i got for now...HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

    FIRST ENTRY...

    _dec 20 2023_10:21pm_

    mood rn:

    i feel. ambivalent right now. i feel like i'm doing a lot of creative things again, after a long time, but at the same time, i'm mad at myself for not being Perfect at everything. right now i'm annoyed about the font on this site! which is kinda silly cus it's one i chose months ago. but for some reason i can't italicize anything. i might change the layout of just this site only. i think it's kinda funny that something semi-serious would be the same layout as the rest of the site.

    anyways unfortunately i cannot help being a capricorn and my worst critic. i think this will be a good outlet for me over time though, even when i'll have to spend less time on it next year. but that'll also be good cus that means i'll have a life outside the internet! touching the grass and the leaves!

    okay i fixed it!!!! i went with the space theme i was initially gonna use when i first began on neocities. it's fitting cus i feel like an alien sometimes!!!!!

    i think thats enough for tonight though. i'm gonna watch a movie and go to sleep... GOODNIGHT!